


Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Children, Drama, F/F, Family, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-18
Updated: 2008-09-18
Packaged: 2019-05-31 11:06:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15118046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: Was it selfish to want to go first so you would not be alone?





	Say Goodnight, Not Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: Today is Anna Deavere Smith's 58th birthday. I didn't know that when I started writing this, but Happy Birthday to her anyway.  


* * *

“It’s too quiet.”

“Hmm?”

“It’s too quiet.”

“Do you want music or something?”

“No.”

Nancy nodded, sliding her glasses back up and returning to her book. It was quiet, more so than usual, but that did not bother her tonight.

“I don’t like this quiet.” Lauren got out of bed. “I really feel like I should be doing something.”

“It’s almost ten o’clock. You should be sleeping baby.”

“I can't sleep. Is it stuffy in here; I should open a window.”

“Its late February…don’t open a window. You haven’t tried to sleep. I can turn out the lights.”

”I can't sleep Nance.”

The former National Security Advisor looked at her and saw the deep sadness in her eyes. The idea that she would get little to no sleep bothered Nancy but there was nothing she could really do. Music would not help the quiet and sleep would not bring back Scooter. It had been two weeks since he died…Nancy waited for the breakdown. It had not come but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t.

The boys were inconsolable. Jimmy did his best but Fitz and Jeremy were in terrible shape. Every single one of their friends came to the funeral to pay their respects…he had been everyone’s grandfather. Lauren was reasonable and rational throughout. She planned the services and when Nancy tried to help, she said it wasn’t necessary. She cooked all the food for the small wake afterward, gracious to all who offered condolences. Jimmy and Nancy both kept an eye on her but the moment never came.

“What do you want to do?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” Lauren’s energy surge waned. She sat back on the bed, rubbing her eyes. “I want to cry, kick, throw things, fall apart…curl into a ball under the covers and contemplate never coming out.”

“What's stopping you?” Nancy put down her book, reaching for Lauren’s hands. “I hope you don’t think you have to be strong for me.”

“22 years,” Lauren sighed. “Aren't you tired of sweeping up the glass from my breakdowns?”

“I'm not going to dignify that with a response.”

“I'm being serious.”

“So am I, Lauren.”

The younger woman sighed again, lying in Nancy’s arms. She always felt safe there. It didn’t matter what storm came through or how extensive the damage, she and Nancy made it through together. Lauren shuddered, thinking about a day when Nancy would not be there to walk her out of the darkness. That would be the darkest day of all. Was it selfish to want to go first so that you would not be alone?

“Daddy told me once he figured he would always be a lifelong bachelor. Much to grandma’s chagrin, and her matchmaking prowess he was nearly 40 and still unmarried. He was angry with himself for being so sweet on mama…she was a married woman with three children and a baby. I bet you didn’t know I was his goddaughter, did I ever tell you that. Lusting after the wife of one of your close friends was not a very Christian thing to do.”

“Scooter having dirty thoughts about Meredith makes me smile.” Nancy replied.

“Me too. He told me he had been in love with her for such a long time. Even knowing it would never be he found it so hard to let go. He didn’t think it was fair to someone else to try to cure his affection for her with another woman. He just remained alone. All the local women were heartbroken…George Foxworth was a prime catch.”

“I have no doubt about that.”

“Then my father died. It shocked everyone because he was young and full of vigor.” Her southern accent returned when she said the word ‘vigor’. “I guess brain aneurysms don’t care about things like that. Mama went straight to Scooter. She wanted to make sure that my father’s things were in order and that we would be taken care of. She told him she would go to work if she had to, though she never had a job beyond her volunteer work. She worked harder than anyone I ever knew. 

“He told her that she would do no such thing because he would take care of her and of us. Loving him came naturally to her. She told me once that she fell in love so fast with Scooter it sent her reeling. It was like ‘ _Monday, George is a friend and Wednesday, I love him_ ’. They never told me much about how they got to that love place. A bachelor and a widow were a delicate thing in Columbia in those days. It did not take anyone long to see what was happening between them.

“Only their social status, and the fact that everyone knew how they were such good people, kept a horrible rumor mill from beginning. They just had something magical; something God created. That’s what grandma said anyway. Even knowing I liked women early on, I wanted what mama and daddy had. I yearned to feel that passion for someone. Even their fights were passionate. They were rare, but oh boy. And I knew when daddy slammed that bedroom door that they were making up.

“I miss him every second of everyday. It’s been two weeks and I wonder if the pain will ever dissipate. I think I am going to have this hole in me until the day I die. It’s been almost a decade since mama passed and I still miss her too. They are together again and no matter how hard I try, I cannot be sad about that. To want him back with me is to tear them apart again. I could not bear to do that.”

Nancy nodded, pulling her closer and kissing her forehead. There was a knock on the door; Lauren called for them to come in. Fitz and Jeremy tumbled in and they both looked miserable. Their mothers held out their arms. The bed was quite big but it was a tight squeeze. Jeremy lay beside Nancy, resting his head on her shoulder. Fitz cuddled behind Lauren.

“If we end up in the living room,” Nancy said. “Everyone will know why. Where is Rupert?”

“He refuses to sleep anywhere but Scooter’s bed.” Jeremy replied. “I tried to bring him up after his walk but he wouldn’t come.”

“OK.”

“It’s alright not to feel OK right now.” Lauren said. “Both of you, its OK. Crying is OK too.”

They nodded but the tears held.

“I'm just glad that our last memories of him were happy.” Jeremy said. “He had a great time at his party, and we had a wonderful Christmas. It was just normal stuff, watching the History Channel and just hanging out.”

“I'm glad he wasn’t sick.” Fitz said. “For years I worried I would have to say goodbye to him in some antiseptic hospital room. He was right there, saying goodnight and I love you like always. It doesn’t make it any easier right now, but...he was the best grandpa a kid could ask for.”

Jeremy nodded as their mothers held them closer.

“It’s too quiet.” Lauren repeated. “It’s only going to get quieter. Soon you boys will leave too.”

“Lauren,” Nancy said. “They're growing up and we have to let go with dignity.”

“Home is where the heart is.” Jeremy said. “Mine is definitely here.”

“Yeah, and we will need home-cooked meals to survive.” Fitz added. “We couldn’t make it out there without Mum’s meatloaf. We will never go too far.”

“I feel guilty for asking you to promise me.” she said, squeezing Fitz’s hand and reaching for Jeremy’s.

Nancy smiled as they promised. She missed Scooter so much but could see him in her son, in both of her sons. She could not have dreamed of a better male influence in their lives. For a moment, her thoughts traveled back to Doug. He and Scooter got along like gangbusters…war stories, good bourbon, and card games filled the streets of heaven tonight. The ringing telephone brought Nancy from her thoughts. She reached over Jeremy to answer it.

“Hello.”

“Did I wake you?”

“No. We are all wide awake, lying in bed. Say hi to Uncle Jimmy.”

“Hey.” They all said in unison.

“Got room for one more?” he asked.

“Always.”

“It’s a bit lonely here.”

“There is family here.” Nancy replied.

“Leave the light on; I'm hailing a cab.”

“Will do. I love you.”

“Love you more.”

She hung up the phone as the boys looked at her.

“Uncle Jimmy is on his way.”

“Maybe we can get him to watch a movie or something.” Jeremy said.

“C'mon dude, let’s meet him at the door.”

They jumped out of bed, more pep in their step.

“Goodnight mom; goodnight Mum.”

“Where are my kisses?” Lauren asked.

She held out her arms, accepting their affection. Nancy did the same.

“Don’t stay up too late.” Nancy said. “And don’t keep your Uncle up.”

They nodded, leaving the room. It wasn’t unusual that they sounded like buffalo going down the stairs.

“I want them around forever.” Lauren said. “Is that selfish?”

“I've heard that word too much lately. There is nothing wrong with wanting your loved ones close. I like having them here too.”

“OK.” Lauren settled back in Nancy’s embrace. “I'm not sure I'm going to get much sleep tonight, boo boo.”

“It’s alright. Awake or asleep, I'm holding on to you.”

***


End file.
